n. An ill-tempered person full of resentment and stubborn notions.
n. A crusty irascible cantankerous old person full of stubborn ideas
Personalized Certificate – Be a Professional Grouch
Do you know someone who's a real grump? Are YOU a real grump? Fine!
And who listens? Nobody, that's who!
The world is collapsing and nobody cares! When was the last time you went to a store and the idiot behind the checkout counter couldn't even figure out the correct change?
Does anybody care? No! The school system is crap, kids don't know anything about anything, and they grow up to be adults who know even less! Hell, they give away free high school diplomas and you can even get a free university degree nowadays! Does it mean a damn thing? Of course not! Everybody talks on cell phones, drives into trees, falls off of roofs, and does anyone think that's a problem? You sure don't need college degree to figure something's not right!
What can One Person Do?
We need to get organized! We need to become trained professionals! We need a license to complain! And obviously, to become licensed you need a license! More importantly, we need real, authentic curmudgeons! In fact, the International Society of Curmudgeons (ISOC) has been around for a long time. It's just that we had too many arguments about whether this Wide World Whatever is worth anything. Now we're doing something, by golly!
Studies show that people with diplomas earn between 42 and 936 times more than people without diplomas. Clearly, having a diploma is key! But getting a diploma takes years and years of school, and a lifetime of experience. You could join AARP, and get a pretend license, discounts at motels and retirement homes, but who's got the time?
Now, through a miracle of modern science, we can offer a time bypass! This breakthrough technology is entirely covered by Medicare, Medicaid, and most insurance companies. Simply fill out a simple questionnaire (in the privacy of your own home), and within seconds, our team of Master Curmudgeons will evaluate your life experience! They'll examine your data and get back to you immediately with an instant diploma!
The power to complain is both a blessing and a curse. It's a power that must be used wisely. Professional curmudgeonry, like all martial arts, must be applied carefully, and then, only for the good of mankind! This is why we ask for a donation of $4. Yes, it's expensive, but think of the sudden credibility you'll have?
No longer will youngsters wander off with a dazed expression, listening to their rap music and whatnot! Instead, they'll gather around to listen to the wisdom of the aged. They'll see the truth of what's going on around them, and start to shape up. Once again, old farts will become wise elders, and their stories of what to avoid and how to avoid it will be recorded for history.
To learn more about our unique novelty diploma program, click here.